She walked over, looking down. Her face was bright red and she was holding her hands together. Her eyes were darting back and forth. She might have even been shaking a little. I’d never seen my wife this nervous before. She almost looked like she was about to cry.
I don’t remember who spoke first. But instantly I knew. “You’re pregnant, huh?” A million thoughts raced through my mind in that single moment.
I didn’t even know she was taking a test. She just went off the pill like 2 or 3 months ago. We weren’t trying, but the pills were really messing with her hormones. She seemed depressed and even withdrawn. And she said that her sexual desire was almost gone — which I noticed too.
So we opted for a natural birth control that’s based on fertility awareness.
I’m going to be honest, our sex life was sort of crappy for the first year and a half of our marriage. I was sick and in pain every single day. I wanted to have sex, but I practically had no strength or energy. And Chelsea’s libido was almost gone. Emotionally we both wanted to be closer, but we were facing weird physical and hormonal barriers. It caused an awkward tension between us. We’d talked about it several times, but nothing really seemed to change. Which is one of the reasons why Chelsea decided to stop taking the pill.
One night I just broke down. I couldn’t take it any longer. I opened up about the pain and insecurities I was facing. We had a good talk about how much we loved each other and wanted to improve our sexual relationship. Chelsea checked to see if she was fertile. She said she wasn’t. But she looked at me like she didn’t really know and that it could be a toss up. This was probably a month or two after she switched over to natural birth control. She was still trying to get a hang of it. Now she’s convinced that was the night she conceived — after looking at her recorded temperatures and what not.
I never really got to experience what it’s like to be a young adult. After being diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease my entire life changed. It’s forced me to be more disciplined and make more sacrifices — and it also just takes up almost all of my time. And now…. It’s like I’m going straight from being a child to being a father.
Money is tight. I’m not going to lie. I believe that’s going to change in the future — and I’m working my ass of on my blog. But right now… we’re barely getting by.
We’re living in a studio apartment that we can barely afford. Where are we going to live?
I can barely take care of my own health right now. How am I going to have the strength or time to care for a baby?
Chelsea is working full-time. And we rely on her paycheck to survive. What are we going to do when she has the baby?
We weren’t planning on having a kid for at least another 5 years.
My entire life goal up until this moment was to get healthy enough so that I can travel the world — road trips, backpacking, and all sorts of adventures. A baby changes everything. How will I be able to do that now?
But heck, I’ve always wanted to be a dad. Right?
It’s hard to believe. It feels unreal.
I jumped out of bed and gave Chelsea a big hug. She sighed in relief and started laughing.
We drove to the grocery store to get another test, just to be sure (we also got some cookies and ice cream). Positive.
WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY.
I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER.
There are so many excuses we could use to make this a negative thing. There are many reasons to be afraid. But life is hard — that’s just the way it is.
Every challenge is what you make it.
What matters is how you respond to it. When you get hit, do you go down crying and throwing a tantrum? Or do you get up and hit back?
What happens when life only gives you one lemon? Do you complain about not having enough lemons to make lemonade? Or do you go squeeze the !@#$ out of the one lemon you got?
Plus on top of that…
WE’RE HAVING A BABY.
No matter the circumstances, it’s a blessing.
I’ve never felt a greater sense of purpose. My life, every decision I make, means something to this kid.
Our entire lives are about to change forever. We never expected it. We didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s going to be difficult.
And we couldn’t be more excited.